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Prius Should Be Banned

Comedy

“If you can park it and not look back at it as you’re walking away, you bought the wrong truck.”—Unknown. I believe that diesels aren't just for men, but for everyone. Everyone should be out there driving diesels and only diesels. I believe it's time we finally get rid of all those pesky energy saving cars such as the Prius. Not only are Prius drivers slow, their cars always smell. I have evidence for this claim. Every time I get into one at work, they smell like old battery acid and lonely men. In order to make the roads less wimpy, we need to make these pathetic cars illegal.

Priuses aren't the only cars that are stinking up the streets. Other cars such as the Toyota Yaris and the Honda Civic are also stinking up the streets. Nissan, Honda and Toyota cars should all be illegal. Working at Toyota, I've seen the saddest looking cars. They smell like regret and wasted time. Why buy a dinky little car when you can be ruling the roads in a diesel? No one pulls up to a girl's house in a hybrid expecting to get their attention. It's a proven fact, girls like big trucks. Stop wasting your time with an energy saving car when you don't have energy in the first place. If you own one of these cars, it's probably because you live alone and spend too much time at a job where you’re making minimum wage.

The first diesel engine was made in the 1890s. Early diesel engines were large and operated at low speeds due to the limitations of their compressed air-assisted fuel injection systems. Diesel is great because it contains more usable energy than gasoline and it delivers better fuel economy. Diesel engines are also durable and they are engineered to withstand higher temperatures. The second we make hybrid cars illegal, the planet will be much better. Do you know how much electricity we would save if all we drove were diesels?

When we ban electric cars, all diesels should be equipped with Prius repellant. Any law breakers who don't trade in their car will be blasted with repellent. This repellant will cause the driver's car to stop working, forcing the driver to get a new vehicle. The only vehicles that will be available will be diesels. All violators will be prosecuted and taken to jail. Mandatory classes for truck driving will be given to all car drivers. Little hybrids will no longer be tolerated under any circumstances.

Trucks are for not only men, but for everyone. Americans should be proud of the vehicles they drive. No one can say they're proud to drive a hybrid. I drove a Camry for two years and decided it was finally time to be a true American. I now drive a Chevy Silverado, a real mans truck. I don't associate with people who drive terrible cars. That's why I believe all energy saving cars should be illegal. There's no point in driving a car that makes you miserable. It's time to step up and put on some big boy pants. Ditch that wimpy car; go out there and buy yourself a man's truck. 

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Prius Should Be Banned
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