Best Foods for Your Car Survival Kit

Whether you just need a jump start or you're on the side of the road when all major metropolitan areas in the US are subjected to a tactical nuclear strike, you'll be grateful to have the best foods for your car survival kit within arm's reach. Food is as important as a change of clothes, a first aid kit, or toilet paper. And since a car survival kit doesn't expire, you can just set it and forget it in your trunk. Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it!

Well, that settles it: add your car to the list of least reliable cars you should never buy! Never again. So, what to eat on the side of the road? How about some dehydrated foods? So many products come in dehydrated forms; soup, mashed potatoes, gravy, hot cocoa, coffee, lemonade, macaroni and cheese, strawberry milk, etc. You'll want these foods in your car survival kit for sure! Heck, you'll want them in your kitchen too. Although I'd avoid the mac and cheese because, left to my own devices, I'd eat mac and cheese once a day every day. But! If we're in a scenario where I need a car survival kit (The Day After Tomorrow, Geostorm, Hurricane Heist), then I'd burn enough calories outrunning the wind that I could go Kraft crazy.

You're going to need water for your dehydrated food and your dehydrated self. And don't make the mistake of buying Propel Fitness Water because then all your gravy will be strawberry! You'll need a way to heat your water too, to prepare a number of your meals. After all, these are the "best foods for your car survival kit," not "the best foods for your car comfortable afternoon kit." You gotta work for hot water because we're in it for the long haul!

After you've discussed everything from the harm of gender roles in car culture to the best movies about cars you're going to need some food. How about some beef jerky?! We love beef jerky but never have an excuse to eat it. Being on the verge of death is as good a reason as any! Just imagine it: snow has made safe-passage impossible, wolves howl in the distance, and the danger afoot has inspired members of your own community to go as rogue as Sarah Palin. Pass the teriyaki! Toss in some beef bags among the other best foods for your car survival kit.

Protein bars and meal replacement bars make an excellent addition to your car survival kit. You just want to make sure you get a brand and flavor you could see yourself eating day after day as you wait out the all-consuming cataclysm-causing dire mayhem. These bars contain fat, protein, vitamins, and fiber. Everything you need!

Plus, almost all protein bars taste like dessert. A little sweetness can go a long way when there's no hope in sight and you're flipping through Viktor Frankl Man's Search for Meaning,just hoping for a reason to keep going. Again, these are the best foods for your car survival kit. This story's going to be narrated by Werner Herzog, not Holes era Shia LaBeouf.

Yogurt covered raisins, Brazil nuts, and those little pretzel rods; oh my! Trail mix is one of the best foods for your car survival kit because it's delicious, full of energy, portable, and requires no preparation! The same is true of cereal, nuts, seeds, and dried fruit. These lifesavers walk the line between healthy and unhealthy but you will too if you go long enough without eating. So stop your worrying and eat up! You're lucky we're not portioning this trail mix like we're the father and son duo in Cormac McCarthy'sThe Road. You haven't read it? Well, it's in our car survival kit so that we're able to gauge the severity of our predicament.

"How safe are self-driving cars?" you wonder. Well, would a self-driving car have forgotten to fill its own tank with gas?! Gas is the food of the car, so it'd know when it needs to eat. But you let your car go hungry and now you're hungry too! Luckily your car has some canned foods in it.

Canned food lasts a long time and comes in a lot of varieties, which makes it one of the best foods for your car survival kit. Sardines, Vienna sausages, SpaghettiOs®, soup, fruit, veggies, crab meat, etc. This will be what you'd grab for first if you were rummaging through a supermarket after "The Event," so you might as well save yourself the hassle and keep it in the car. You'll be eating so well that you'll forget all about the "Before Times" just long enough to miss them when you're done eating.

"Shots, shots, shots, shots! I heard shots. Is everyone okay?! Are we being raided?!" No, we're just taking a break to relax. Alcohol is one of the best foods for your car survival kit because leisure time is an indispensable facet of the human condition. Maybe rum helps you sleep or relaxes you. And if you've run out of rubbing alcohol, hard liquor doubles as a disinfectant. Also, if you've run out of rubbing alcohol you may need some booze to process whatever's made you run out of rubbing alcohol because that stuff lasts! Oh, the humanity!

Candy, chips, soda, and Twinkies; go ahead! The best foods for your car survival kit are sometimes the foods that we should never eat. But, hey, what's the point of survival if you've got nothing to keep you going? Whoa, hold on, wait a minute, put a little meow-meow in it; we're getting despondent real fast! We gotta keep it together. This isn't Jack London's To Build a Fire! We just need a jump start. We're actually over prepared because the car has a change of clothes, a first aid kit, toilet paper, and the ability to make hot water. My cell phone isn't even dead!

Unless you have an allergy, peanut butter is a great source of fat and protein. Add some jelly and crackers and you've got a combination that ranks among the best foods for your car survival kit. Also, the nostalgia inspired by the PB&J crackers will help spur emotional intimacy with whomever else is in the car. This could turn a survival situation into a revival situation, and suddenly your relationship is what's getting a jump start! Hope you packed some condoms into your car survival kit! Otherwise, months from now, you're going to be naming your son or daughter Car Survival Kit!