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How Safe Are Self-Driving Cars?

When self-driving cars hit the road, expect less accidents, pollution, police brutality, and sexual assault.

By Ben KharakhPublished 6 years ago 5 min read
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We may not have flying cars, but self-driving cars are pretty close! People have fears about driverless cars just like they have with any emerging technologies, but autonomous vehicles cut down on so much human error that there's really nothing to worry about. In fact, there's a lot to get excited about, because autonomous vehicles have the potential to radically address everything from police brutality and sexual assault to climate change and the the plight of America's poor.

They don't text.

In the five seconds you spend looking away from the road to send a text you could find yourself en route to an accident or death. We don't have to worry about cars getting distracted by their cell phone alerts, because self-driving cars are basically cell phones with wheels that drive you where you need to go. Sure, companies will likely equip self-driving cars with microphones and cameras to capture your behavior for the purpose of creating targeted marketing, but our phones already do that and they can't even take us to the store!

They don't commit sexual assault.

The internet is littered with horror stories of women finding themselves trapped in a car service with a driver who's locked the doors and has made their malicious intentions very clear. That's because there are sexual predators driving Ubers, Lyfts, and taxis. Removing the opportunity for men dripping with toxic masculinity to get into the driver's seat of an automobile will mean there's less of a danger to women and young people. Now if only we could get an automated car into the oval office we'd have yet one less empowered abuser to worry about!

They're more lawful.

Driverless cars find themselves in accidents less often because they are programmed to follow the rules of the road. Humans, meanwhile, are simply not as lawful. As a result, if autonomous vehicles actually found themselves in accidents during road tests, it was because of human drivers. There's just too much pressure on people to get stuff done to follow all the rules, unlike these self-driving cars who don't have a thing to worry about. Euch, self-driving cars! We spoiled autonomous vehicles with participation trophies, and now they just want everything handed to them. They're what's ruining this country! Thanks, Obummer.

They're not reckless teens.

Many car accidents are caused by teenagers enjoying their first driving experiences just a few months after getting their licenses. And while it may sound like we're about to rail against butt chugging, rainbow parties, and Slenderman (teens love Slenderman!), it's been well documented that reckless driving by teens causes a lot of accidents. Autonomous vehicles would eliminate that recklessness, and they could also be programmed to teach teens about the value of hard work and how good music used to be.

They won't have their lives ruined by insurance costs.

Being poor in America is hard. If you're one of the America's working poor, losing your car may entirely derail your life. It costs money to get your license back, to pay a higher insurance rate, and to take public transportation. Plus, all that takes time and adds stress to your life. These are things that the privileged don't have to think about; nor do driverless cars. There is a possibility, then, that autonomous vehicles could ease the burden faced by many beleaguered Americans. If only the US government would do the same. AMERICA SLAM! It really is shameful how we treat the poor, though. Maybe we deserve Slenderman. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

There is less opportunity for abuse of power by police.

America is so racist that Trump is president. America is also so misogynist that Trump is president. He's the worst of us! And the institution of policing suffers from the same ills that Trump does: abusing people of color and women. There are simply far too many stories of police brutality disproportionately committed against young black men or police officers extorting sexual acts from women. So the less interaction between women and people of color and police, the better. Yeah, self-driving cars are woke AF. I saw a self-driving car reading The New Jim Crow the other day and it was using an Angela Davis bookmark. Then it winked at me.

No Buzzed Driving!

"Crush a bit, little bit, roll it up, take a hit!" Great song, but something self-driving cars wouldn't be into. And that's good news for the rest of us because sober autonomous vehicles would translate into less carnage on the road. 28 people die because of drunk driving every day! As for what kind of music cars would be into? Piano ballads. What? It's a beautiful instrument!

No Road Rage!

Self-driving cars don't get angry and then follow you you home to beat you with a baseball bat that they keep in the back seat. Also, self-driving cars don't drive other self-driving cars! It's not a Russian nesting doll of autonomous vehicles! That's silly. But, seriously, road rage is an expression of toxic masculinity and driverless cars would reduce that. You know what? Maybe they should just start making men out of self-driving cars! It's Slender Man; not Slender Self-driving car. Just think about it.

No Human Error

Human error plays a significant part in car accidents. Driverless cars eliminate that concern. Are driverless cars a human error? Likely not! They eliminate a lot potential for accidents and may transform our car centric culture into a more sustainable endeavor. Self-driving cars also don't sneeze while driving and then find themselves with their eyes closed for a brief, terrifying moment. Nor do they drop bottle caps just out of reach of their feet, and then reach for the bottle cap while driving even though they're on a busy road. And self-driving cars definitely don't eat pasta while at stop lights.

Less Pollution!

Self-driving cars would be afforded a greater deal of efficiency in their driving by virtue of being integrated into a larger information network. Less stop and go traffic, less sudden stops, less time spent looking for parking, synchronization with stop lights, etc. It all adds up! And hopefully other technologies keep up with developments in autonomous vehicles because we've got 32 years before climate change becomes irreversible. Oh, and we can also get some driverless cars into those Fast and the Furious movies and have The Rock fight them. Vroom vroom!

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About the Creator

Ben Kharakh

Manic pixie dream goth. With appearances in Fortune, Vice, Gothamist, and McSweeney's.@benkharakh

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